I have learned that I have not learned perseverance.
There are things I love in this life, things that are noble and good and right - that I have had to suffer little for.
I have attained much (not "oh look at me kind of stuff," but gifts and graces which abound) while contributing minimal effort - and when it does not come easy I get mad. I get upset and say trite things.
Things that I replay in my head over and over and can't imagine the thought of ever repeating.
Passion coincides with perseverance.
Passion is paper thin if the two do not mingle, do not yoke.
I am 25 and I must say I don't know the definition of either well.
If the church was my bride I would have left her long ago.
I am glad You have not. I am glad you are still in pursuit and that you have never lacked or left or grown weary.
home
I go home this week.
I go home lacking integrity.
I have allowed the young professional whirlwind to consume me and it has directly resulted in the lack of communication with people who have been forever close. My parents and their parents, my sister and bro-in law, nephews - all for the sake of.........
I am not sure yet.
The lure of the next sales presentation, a successful ministry, the countless self-made commercials I have running through my mind telling me that my pursuits are noble and not fleeting. ( i believe many are not btw)
I know we all "grow up" and I know there is a cleaving process - but what is it?
Whatever it is I know this is not it - I know my heart is shallow right now.
I know it lacks love for the person drinking a latte next to me and for the orphan in Africa.
My lack of love for my own family is a magnifying glass unto my love at large.
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2 comments:
did i miss your birthday, or have you been 25 for a while?
great thoughts man...this post basically describes to a "T" why, when I started my blogger account, I chose the user name "stevo25andgrowing"...it's fun to grow up, but there is some confusion in the process...look at me, 27 and a Dad?
There is a difference between you and the person next to you, sitting and drinking coffee, etc...you are aware of the problem...that's huge...most people live their busy lives oblivious to the fact that they are missing out on "living". You on the other hand are aware that HE is provisional and grace-filled...the other half of the equation is admitting it and letting God do His "thang" and change you, as we can not change ourselves, but only ask that God grant us that new heart, action, diligence or character.
miss ya bro...you need to come meet Adler soon...he needs a cool Adult figure to hang out with, cause before I know it, he'll be embarrassed to be around his dad. :) hehehe...I've got a couple years left though ;)
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