observe

as of late I have operated and observed from a different mode than normal. I have a few thoughts on the back burner that have caused this to be so (vague on purpose, i will blog about it sooner or later).
I am starting to observe patterns in things. Patterns in life related to an individuals POV (point of view) and the consequences, positive or negative, that come from that POV. From their theology/world view/POV/or any other term you want to call it, spills forth ideas. Ideas that hit the ground running (called actions) or ideas that never see tomorrow.

Why do some hit the ground running and why don't others? What in the framework of reality grabs them and launches them to be billion dollar/save the whale type of ideas and others to be unrealistic and cause complete frustration and create coulda' shoulda' woulda' comments that plague many an old mans' porch.

philosophy
we are all philosophers, whether we like it or not.
who dries their feet before their back after a shower?
the same person who reads the news to understand reality or what tomorrow will look like.
if you understand A and B you will be able to understand C and perhaps even D. However, if you use C as your reference point to understand A,B, & D, you will be, in philosophical terms, SOL.

This is my first time being 25

I have learned that I have not learned perseverance.
There are things I love in this life, things that are noble and good and right - that I have had to suffer little for.
I have attained much (not "oh look at me kind of stuff," but gifts and graces which abound) while contributing minimal effort - and when it does not come easy I get mad. I get upset and say trite things.
Things that I replay in my head over and over and can't imagine the thought of ever repeating.

Passion coincides with perseverance.
Passion is paper thin if the two do not mingle, do not yoke.
I am 25 and I must say I don't know the definition of either well.

If the church was my bride I would have left her long ago.
I am glad You have not. I am glad you are still in pursuit and that you have never lacked or left or grown weary.

home
I go home this week.
I go home lacking integrity.
I have allowed the young professional whirlwind to consume me and it has directly resulted in the lack of communication with people who have been forever close. My parents and their parents, my sister and bro-in law, nephews - all for the sake of.........

I am not sure yet.
The lure of the next sales presentation, a successful ministry, the countless self-made commercials I have running through my mind telling me that my pursuits are noble and not fleeting. ( i believe many are not btw)

I know we all "grow up" and I know there is a cleaving process - but what is it?
Whatever it is I know this is not it - I know my heart is shallow right now.
I know it lacks love for the person drinking a latte next to me and for the orphan in Africa.
My lack of love for my own family is a magnifying glass unto my love at large.

forever

iwillforeverbeclean

don't have to

I don't have to lie to myself, though i try.
I don't have to impress myself, yet I try.

I project, instead of reflect, my perceived self to myself.
Which side of the mirror tells the truth?

no lie
As of late I would rather work than relax. I would rather work than read my bible or read a good book, even CS Lewis. Something other than calm is my choice no matter how stormy the weather.

Psalm 23 seems farther than 458 pages away.

next
talk to Him. ask Him. I can't do it.

this night

so its 3:15 or so in the a.m.
i just got home, i was working on a presentation that my boss and I have to make on monday in green bay. i'm tired.

however that's as close to complaining as i get. i had tons of fun.
something about my work, something about the vision from the layer above that makes me want to work. work is not "work" - its a platfrom for friends, worship, capital, laughs, moments that freak you out, scare you, all for His sake. pretty cool.

what i want to do now is head to the mts, but it looks like i may be sleeping instead.

oh cool.
i just flipped it on espn2 and they are showing Lebron school the spurs.

having

I fear that many people seek to hear from God solely as a device for securing their own safety, comfort, and righteousness. For those who busy themselves to know the will of God, however, it is still true that "those who want to save their life will lose it?" My extreme preoccupation with knowing God's will for me may only indicate, contrary to what is often thought, that I am over concerned with myself, not a Christlike interest in the well being of others or in the glory of God. - Willard

Started a new book, Hearing God, by Dallas Willard. This nugget was in there and, like he often does, caught me off guard.

Is it me he is speaking about?
Why am I doing this?

This is a thought that frees, however it leaves us wanting.
What action do I now take? What thing applied to my daily life will help me? Perhaps that's the point - we apply finite to the infinite vs. apply the infinite to the finite.
Perhaps the same action results, however the heart is proned in completely two different directions.