a little bit of suburbia never hurt anyone, it just may kill them

The antithesis between the Christian life and the life of the bourgeois respectability is at an end. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I am making my way through one of Dietrich Bonhoeffer's books - The Cost of Discipleship. The above quote captures the essence of the book - and while the book overall meets some criticism, it has redeeming elements thus far. This quote being one of them.

Basically he is saying that the Christian settles for status quo. It was assumed that the bourgeois lifestyle and the Christian lifestyle were mutually exclusive at one time - however as the perceived populous, we have grown comfortable and contrite in things other than God. I am apart of this populous granted, often settling for the same sum because i continue to do my math with the same formula.

In my d|group we had a discussion about being radical - it boiled down to being a completely intrinsic notion. Not being able to be captured by film, rather by one's conversation into the night while they lay on their bed. This does not make the equation easy, for it now demands the individual to seek out the things of God not based on "passer bye's" perceptions. When holiness conforms to those around, it is completely predictable and could lead you to do "great things" - it's easy, however the burden is heavy and you carry it on your own.

Radical could thus mean; staying home on a Friday, not cussing at the person who cut you off on 285, telling your father about Jesus, or simply watching what you eat. Chances are radical things start in your closet, by living a quite radical life. It's not as fancy and loud as we think, rather it's done first at the dinner table before it's found on a stage somewhere in Uganda or even at your local church.

This is not an excuse to not do grand things (yes it's true, a double negative), but a reason to take personal holiness seriously - when no one is watching and no one is applauding.

rescue.

a paradox for sure; the feeling of not wanting to die and to somehow find complete peace on this earth, this side of the return, versus feeling utterly helpless and feeling miles away from any kind of shore. we sit and wait and wrestle. and live. and laugh. and delight in some pleasures that are surely a hint of the pleasures forever to come.

in his wake we find these things, these things that give hope and peace while leaving an appetite for more.

what one must do without such delights? I care not find out.

some reason

i find it unpredictable.
the way it wakes and what causes it to sleep.
i don't know where it comes from and why it consumes, but it does.
one's eyes can recognize an other's eyes filled with such a thing.
familiarity in no way breeds contempt, rather it lets one exhale.
release. love. live.

cool site

check this site out
http://www.mediastorm.org

An interesting use of media for sure.

a wasp

Ode to Monday. I walked in the office and what do you know - there are two wasps in my office, glued to the ceiling above where I sit. I am known in every circle I run in as the guy who is pretty much deathly afraid of bees (one of those deep psychology moments when i was about 6). I am also allergic, so I have an excuse.

I am rather disrupted this morning, the wasp thing .....I am not even joking another just flew at my head.....yeesh. Just killed two more, actually my co-worker Robert helped me. That makes 4. Back to my blog.

current climate
I am rather disrupted this morning, the wasp thing just fit inside the larger story this morning. I find that I am almost always perturbed at myself. I am constantly failing, not meeting my personal and professional goals, and letting people down. I have never grown accustom to failure, it's always as equally frustrating even as it gets more common. CS Lewis says something to the effect - a clumsy man is not found to be clumsy while sitting, he is found out when he stands.
Lately I just want to sit down. I want to stop failing, stop being human and just take on the properties of a machine at times. Void of emotion, void of temptation, void of - everything painful. This also means void of life. People often hate when it rains not realizing it is the rain that allows for such beauty to be enjoyed on the sunnier of days. This is the vacuum I am currently under. Seeing the frustration and not the hope nor the grounds for which life is truly composed. I fathom so little the grandeur, while i have become well tuned to understand the climate of current stresses. This leaves one looking for the shore amongst a sea that seemingly never ends.

thanks for reading.

I just killed a 5th, you can ask Robby even.

a little work

i feel tired. perhaps more tired than ever. usually when i am this tired i am a little pissed at the world. I am not this time round. I see being overwhelmed as an opportunity for deliverance. (not every second or anything, but overall that's the mood).

i am sorda asking;
how long can i keep this pace?
what does this turn in to? then what? then what? then die?
if I die tomorrow will I regret hard work/noble efforts/wasted efforts? (not like I would actually regret anything bc I am dead)

i sorda feel like I am wired exactly for the organization i work for and wired to work with the people I work with. that is great to know, great to walk in to work knowing there is more "behind the scenes."

there is a book that has come out - "Run with the Bulls" - that basically tells of 85% of people not liking their jobs. I could not imagine that, however I talk to people all the time where that is reality. i wonder if some of the 85% were just like me and got: a)burned by their job b) burned out c) some life crisis hit - either way I am sure I will confront 1 of the 3 if not all three at some point in my life. I do not look forward to that day, I am thankful that I don't see that on any horizon - however I hope to be able to help/spur/listen to those who are there now.

in asheville

work brought me to NC for a night, so I decided to stay an extra and hit up Asheville. I have gotten the travel bug as of late, this is the longest stint since 2004 w/o going over seas - so I am trying to get it where I can. It's not the same, but it is a shadow of such adventures.
currently
I am in a great coffee shop that is playing some Sitar music, so I think they knew i was coming. Tons of pubs, old book stores, mts. all around, and hippies - this is my kind of town. I am a closet hippie.

today brings

"we shall not seek to understand in order that we may believe, but to believe in order that we may understand" - aw tozer

This is "bass aackwards" in my thinking. I take the tangible approach to thought, called pragmatism, often times. While this may be respected in many schools and thought logical in many discussions, it leaves the heart tired. Having to figure everything out before one can walk the actual path that the thought produces leaves one reclined in their chair always pondering and never doing. The fact is I don't understand anything completely. While I sit at this table, on my computer, drinking coffee - there about a thousand things at work that I don't quite understand; from 2nd law of thermodynamics to the physics behind the composite wood of the table, it is all beyond me. I think faith to be an exploration of things unknown, however it is something different - it is an exploration of all things because all things are unknown, when thinking things known, one must not be thinking about things at all - it is only the "normal" things that leave us thinking them known - while all the while they were never known or "normal," just grown accustomed to. One may see the sunset 365 x 25 years and still not fathom all that is at work, I seldom pause and/or wonder - rather I roll over to close the blinds because it disrupts my sleep.