a gap

the philosopher and the scientist will admit that there is much they do not know; but that is quite another thing from admitting that there is something which they can never know, which indeed they have no technique for discovering. To admit that there is One who lies beyond us, who exists outside all of our categories, who will not be dismissed with a name, who will not appear before the bar of our reason, nor submit to our curious inquiries: this requires a great deal of humility, more than most of us possess, so we save face by thinking God down to our level, or at least down to where we can manage him. Yet how he eludes us - aw tozer

That is where I live day to day, managing God. After all I manage; my calender, my contacts, my sales calls, my Friday nights. This god is not the God of Abraham, Jacob, Moses, or the 10 year old Roy - this is the one who I have placed under my dogma, leaving little wiggle room for his mean, methods, or time table. If it is not within my reason or understanding I just don't go there.

I dumb down for my audience so I can double my dollars - jay z (genius given the current state of the music business)

Ephesians 2 has to set in for truth to take hold. This chapter has been my wrestling ring lately, I have yet to win. I find that to be the core of what i accomplish daily - dumb him down so I can understand and predict him.
I posted regarding this same thought here too.


experiment
Yesterday I just drove, drove north. Not really knowing where to go or how to get there - i ended up at Bear Gap just north of Dahlonega, GA. A nice 4 mile hike, about 1.2 miles off the Appalachian Trail. The trail peaks with a wood bench over looking "Bear Gap." I suggest the hike, more so I just suggest just getting out, "out of pocket" as the trendy business man says (stab at self). Matt B spoke a couple of weeks ago about talking out loud versus thinking to your self, subjecting your thoughts to the air somehow dually subjects it to truth. I used the trail versus the isles of Target for such an experiment. If you are highly introspective and seldom subject your thoughts to the air or others because you feel alone in the matter, I suggest trying it. Perhaps not a trail, perhaps just a walk or a chat on the back porch. You will look weird, sound weird no doubt

trying

i really am trying to find time to post, but no love.
things are busy, a good kind of busy.

come see Garrett and Evan, see here for more info....
February 28th at Eddie's Attic

soc

my theories, oh how beautiful.
don't you buy them, endorse them, just adore them?
may it be to your despise if you demise what i theorize.

my heretics exasperate, but I have no consciousness thereof - agree with me you naysayer, buy my dogma, it's for sale.

what it means
to be a little less vague, the above is a stream of consciousness (soc) I had while listening to some Dabrye (see music to the right). I get to a degree of annoyance where I just sorda go off on these soc. they are insight to the condition of my soul. most often they are where my best ideas come from, sometimes it's also where my skeletons are found. they are ambitious thoughts that call for so much personal bandwidth to carry out that I actually carry out very little of what labor they make available thus creating a personal feeling of contempt for being unable to act on passions.

that's all.

music
I think the soc thing has played with my music preference as of late. I got on iTunes late last night and just started clicking "buy" - when done i realized that everything i bought was instrumental, many of them beat driven. i have a new name for these - "think beats" - it is absolutely amazing how much work i can get done when listening to them or the visuals i think off. It's, to date, the greatest productivity tool I have found.

soft my soul says

subtle sounds appease the ear. nothing boisterous, or loud, or arrogant. my soul can't handle it, Yo-yo ma has become my friend as of late.

it wanders to and fro. often dissapointed, settling for thirds versus firsts. i see older men and all of a sudden understand.

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them. -thoreau

Losing wonder and sleep you stubtly find that the tides have carried you off course. The destination is somewhere over the horizon, however you have no clue which horizon. You climb many a peak only to find it absent, despite what the marketing messages scream.

however, there is a hope that does not dissapoint. I have never been dissapointed by it, however I have found my self dissapointed by not buying it. I don't lay my head to rest there, however it is where i fall. Not gracefully, might I add. Not to be mentioned on the resume of life or on a first date, i find my falling an area of non-discussion. i am proud. therefore i am shamed. i think much of self, therefore think too much of self. not necessarly thinking less of myself, just wanting to think of my self less and in proper context of the Story at large.

other news
a question that has no answer can either be; A) definitionally impossible; ie. can God create a rock so big he can't move it? - this is like asking him to create a square circle or B) a relative inquiry into the eternal that the temporal facilities can not fathom therefore it is perceived to be a non-answer.

I find A to be what I ask of friends and both A & B to be what I ask of God.

patterns of speech

could be called poetry, prose to be more specific, or just conversation.

each of us carry a number of traits (physical, emotional, spiritual, etc) that, if you truly watch a person, break forth in interaction. If you see the person enough, and you see them through some varying seasons in life, their communication becomes one large canvas made up of patterns.

I have attempted to observe the pattern that I put forth day in & day out. I know when eye contact is broken and what it means for me and what I do afterwards. I know that when I get teary I look to the ground and when I am thinking I look at the sky. I stumble on my words when I don't believe in them fully or I believe them so dearly they make for rocks in my throat.

I have observed my pattern of speech with the creator as well. I know that the conversation largely centers around the "weather" because I feel guilty. I know that I shake my head when His grace is loud and that I hide when His grace seems quiet.

I know your pattern of conversation if I love you. I like mannerisms, I always have. I like bugging people because that's when they come out most (also when they are thinking and they think no ones is looking).

smaller things

it's just not there and you know it.
you muster, you fight, you ask - the luster is gone. You don't know where it went and how to get it back.

You treat puddles like oceans and grazes like embraces.
you must settle for the smaller things, the quieter things. not the things in movies, not the things epics are written about, but the things that are real.

state of the union.

learning

i don't know if i am getting wiser per-say, but i am learning alot. I would attribute the word wise to the knowledge of reality/truth compared to your actions in light of that knowledge/truth, the narrower that gap the more wise you are. Simply stated, its the practical knowledge that you put into practice.

I think back on actions I have taken and simply blush or do this thing with my head where i shake it, this can also be seen if you watch me while listening to radiohead. Translated, I have had many not-so-wise moments.

Wisdom can consciously be applied to a situation, or a series of events, that call you to make a decision. However, the application of wisdom will meet opposition if this actual application of wisdom has not: a) ever been attempted by you personally b) is highly emotional c) you just don't feel like being wise.

Life has called for more wisdom as of late. I welcome it, hoping it does not cause another radiohead action somewhere down the road.